Hello all.  Sorry for the long delay between posts.  Lots of things were going on between my last post and now… Christmas, New Years, me leaving Mercedes to work at Simande full time… Thank goodness Jill was there to pick up the blog slack and teach you all a few things about baking. You’re in luck if you liked what she was preaching, as she will have her own baking blog up and running quite soon.

Anyway, today I will teach you how to make some damn fine fried chicken, courtesy of Alton Brown. This fried chicken is so good that I personally guarantee that it will help you gain 10 pounds.  You’re welcome, fatty.

Here are the ingredients you’ll need to assemble:

• lots of chicken
• flour
• 2 cups of buttermilk to marinate the chicken.  mmm buttermilk chicken.
• lots of vegetable shortening for frying
• 2 tablespoons of kosher salt
• 2 tablespoons of paprika
• 2 tablespoons of garlic powder
• 2 tablespoons of cayenne pepper

Step 1 – how to make tender chicken that even a fat person will love
Carefully place your chicken in a plastic container and then bury it in buttermilk.  Cover it up and stick it in the fridge overnight.  **this step makes your chicken awesome**

Step 2 – preparing to fry
Start heating up your frying pan on the stove and melt enough shortening so that it comes up to 1/8 inch on all sides.  Heat that fat up to be exactly 325 degrees.  No more, no less.

Step 3 – the dry mix
Combine the paprika, salt, garlic powder, and cayenne pepper in a bowl and mix it together.  Fill a separate bowl with flour.

Step 4 – making the chicken
Remove your buttermilked chicken from the fridge and start draining.  Take each piece separately and liberally apply the dry mix.  Next dredge that sucker in flour and shake off the excess.  Place the chicken skin side down in the frying pan and cook until its golden brown on both sides.  Alton says this will be approximately 10-12 minutes on each side, assuming you’re at exactly 325 degrees.  You’ll know the chicken is properly cooked when its internal temperature is 180 degrees.  Don’t screw this up or everyone will get sick and hate you.

Step 5 – eat
Drain the chicken immediately after removing it from the pan.  Don’t try to be resourceful and use paper towels or brown paper bags to dry.  Be a man and drain your chicken on a rack over a sheet pan.

You’re ready to eat now.  Enjoy!

chicken + buttermilk + covered container + 24 hours = omgpop

mix salt, paprika, garlic powder, and cayenne pepper and liberally apply to the buttermilk chicken

fry that badboy until its internal temp is 180 degrees. don't stop at 179 degrees or you'll get sick.

keep checking its temperature and make sure you don't overcook it

drain the chicken - Alton says not to use a paper towel

i am so domestic.