Dear Internet:
Since Matt’s been sucking at blogging lately and also because he has a headache right now, I’ve decided to step in and illustrate how to make watermelon vodka.
Step 1 – You cut a hole in the box
Step 2 – Just kidding, you buy a small watermelon and some vodka. Usually for drinking I’d recommend the good stuff (I love name dropping vodkas) – Potocki, Jewel of Russia, Youri Dolgoruki, or Chopin, but for watermeloning, I’d stick with some good ‘ol Stoli. For our lesson today we’ve gone with The Russian Standard. Just like you probably shouldn’t buy sushi from a Chinese guy or French food from a Greek diner, make sure to buy your vodka from Poland or Russia.
Step 3 – Remove the cap off the vodka and trace a hole in the watermelon.
Step 4 – Cut out the hole. It’ll look kinda… anatomic. You know like a goat, see.
Step 5 – Stick a small spoon or fork inside and scoop out as much and as deeply as you can. Eat the watermelon as you scoop it out. A high five goes to whoever can name all the alcohol on the counter.
Step 6 – Tilt the watermelon a little bit and in one fluid motion, jam the vodka bottle into the watermelon and keep it upright. If you want to be really pretentious, write “ART” on your watermelon with a Sharpie.
Step 7 – Wait 24 hours. The watermelon will have absorbed most of the vodka. Take out the bottle, take the watermelon to your nearest alcohol prohibited public park, and enjoy.
I tried this in college and it failed miserably! Wish I would have had the tutorial back then.
Is that Blue Label I see on that counter?
Check plus plus.
I want more than a high five.
From right to left, from what I can see:
Pretty sure that’s a blackberry liquor or maybe just another type of vodka stuck in the corner, looks like probably a type of whiskey in front of that with the wooden cork, courvoisier?, Cuervo tequila, cointreau (two bottles), Johnny Blue, Oban 14 year single malt whiskey, Bailey’s Irish cream, tequila in front of that, Vermouth extra dry, Kahlua, and finally a few bottles of wine.
Nothing is bad with a little alcohol involved.
The one in the corner is Zubrowka, which I believe is their American bottling since certain ingredients aren’t allowed here. It’s fantastic with apple juice, I think that’s how they consume it over in Poland.
I like.
What’s the small bottle in front of that?
It’s all about the Blue~
good work eric on making up for matts suckiness. im going crazy about that small bottle in the left front row. at first glance i was gonna say amaretto or some type of cordial/brandy ish. then i thought whiskey, but possibly even rum or tequila. i need to know!
also, im hoping youve got some jager in the freezer. and why dont you put that baileys in the fridge? gross.
The alcohols in the back row are: Zubrowska Bison Vodka, E&J Brandy, Cuervo, Blue Label, Oban, Bailey’s, Kahlua.
Front row: HINE Cognac, Cointreau, Cointreau, Russian Standard, Don Julio, Vermouth
Who wants to hang out and drink some of this?
oo man way to pick up matts slack eric! i want some when are you eating/drinking it?! lets play poker!
Thanks for the tutorial. Where did you that this to?
I am still laughing at step 1.
The lack of posting has got to stop.
i have a melon abosrbing now….. its worse than watching paint dry. I heard you can use some sort of vacuum and it instantly absorbs. someone actually did this in class, not with vodka obviously!
mmmm that hole looks sexy.
I was with you until step 4. Then I became racked with profound nausea as repressed memories of Mr. Goatse and his unspeakable hobby vomited forth into my naive, unsuspecting brain. Jackass. (I LOLed though)
ok so im also told that you can add watermelon pucker too to keep some of the watermelon flavor ever try that?
anyone who puts premium vodka into a watermelon has no fucking idea what they’re doing.
I used a different approach where I bought a food injector ($6) and infused half a bottle (1 liter) of wodka in a melon of similar size as displayed above, is this enough vodka you think?
A real russian would not call russian standard a premium vodka.
Hey my bottle has been in my watermellon for about 2 days now and its hardly taken any in whats the deal? and yes it is a seeded watermelon????
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